It's Christmas Time!! Hoo-dee-hoo!

So yesterday I completed most of my Christmas shopping, with only a few choice items to seek out. I feel relieved. I left in the morning at 10:30 to shop. I got home around 3:00 in the afternoon. But I didn't get finished baking and making cookies until about 10:00 at night. Whew! Just call me Martha fucking Stuart.

Read:
4 Hot chocolate Jars... idea stolen from oh so ordinary
Viennese Vanilla Cookies
Pistachio Biscotti
Chocolate Covered Pretzels in milk chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate
Home-made chocolate cups in all said chocolates, but also containing peanuts, peppermint sticks, coconut, and pecans.

Thank you Food Network for not fucking my recipes up like all those lame recipe wannabe sites have in the past. Everything turned out perfect. And though the boyfriend didn't believe me when I told him on the phone, he'll just have to try it for himself when he gets back in town.

I. Need. More. Ribbon.

While at the craft store, my friend looked at me incredulously because I put 4 spools of ribbon in my cart. I still need more. Sheesh. So another crazy trip to the craft store before Thursday is in order. I still need to finish wrapping. I need RIBBON for that wrapping!!!

Come on guys, say it with me: Fuck Wrapping Paper. I decided to go without this year and wrap everything in pretty colored tissue paper. And ribbon. Ugh. It all looks so cute! The cookie tin I made for the boy's grandparents is absolutely adorable. I'm quite proud.

Now all I have to do is keep myself from eating the 6 POUNDS of candy and cookies that's made its home in my kitchen, and we'll be talkin... but that biscotti is soooo good. Ugh, here we go...

And we interrupt this message...

... to ask a very important and universal question:

What. The. Fuck??????????????

Why is it that the only females that seem to not get jealous when I hang out with/talk to/remain friends with their boyfriends are the females I've made out or slept with?? WHY?? Why is it that the females that I love and care about so much seem to turn bitter and angry toward me just because I didn't blow off their boyfriends after they got together??? It seems to be a common phenomenon, and I'd love to get to the bottom of it.

I have a lot of male friends. Like, a good 80-90% of my friends are male. This question that I'm asking is a good example of why I generally do not befriend females. On the other hand, some of the closest people to me are female and have done me no wrong. They're usually single. This time it's a whole different ball game. Not only is she not single, but her "boyfriend" constitutes one of the 2 total people I spend my time with here in Pittsburgh. She's the other one. I mean, Jesus. Am I just that hot? Do I have "psycho man-stealing whore" tattooed on my forehead? Seriously, why is it that every female friend of mine feels so horrifically intimidated by me?

Sure, I'm flirty. But I don't discriminate based on gender, age, attraction-- or sexual orientation, for that matter. I just have that kind of personality. I am not out to fuck your boyfriend. I have a hard enough time getting my own to stop humping my leg when I want to be sleeping (sometimes I'm just tired... work/school/bullshit gets the best of me. By the way, I love you sweetheart!). I'd be more worried about me trying to sleep with you rather than him (your boyfriend, not mine. haha)... especially if I'm drunk ;)

But the fact of the matter is: he has a girlfriend. I have a boyfriend. I'm not sure what world you come from, but in the world of Tara Dawn, that "oops I slipped and somehow my tongue ended up down her throat" thing just doesn't fly. I don't hold anyone else to any standards I don't hold myself. I don't believe in cheating. I'd rather be single than cheat on someone I care about. And if you don't care about them, why did you get with them in the first place?

Jealousy is really just a lack of trust or confidence, in my mind. So if you cant deal with me continuing to be friends with your man after you two start dating, then maybe you need to figure out what's wrong with your relationship and stop giving me that goddamned evil whore eye.

I've lost 2 of my best friends to this stupid shit, so heed warning, ye girls. I don't put up with it anymore. I used to let it tear me down, but now I realize it's total bullshit and it's not fair to let me suffer because of your own personal paranoia. When you can become a real woman and talk things out rather than giving me the silent treatment, I'll take you seriously. Until then, quit trying to make me feel like shit.

Side note: Thanks to all you gals who have come through for me! You're a rare breed, and I appreciate all the warm and caring friendship you've offered me. Special thanks to: Kimmy, Hallie, and Erin. I cant say I've made out with *all* of you, but that's nothing a bottle of jack and a pair of handcuffs couldn't solve ;) hahahahaha. I'm just kidding. Love you all, though. Muah!

Updating??

So I've noticed that when I visit blogs that I read regularly, and they haven't updated in a few days it pisses my shit off really bad. And now is that warm moment of hypocritical realization that hey, I have a life and maybe other people do too. So for all of you poor bloggers that I yelled at-- that you didn't hear because I was yelling at a mechanical screen probably miles upon miles away-- I'm sorry.

It's finals week.

And though I almost wrote a blog entitled "Reasons why I'd rather be playing Wow than Studying for my Finals," the answer is pretty self-explanatory and I decided to break out the 'ol tome instead and get crackin'. I've got 2 more tests tomorrow, and I'm really not ready at all. But needless to say, I am SO over this semester. Ugh. But not so over these tests unfortunately.

So to all of you loyal readers, I apologize for giving you this worthless excuse rather than updating. There are probably only 1 or 2 of you anyway... At any rate, this one's for you, Pokey... Enjoy!



I know he's not the only one who goes to EB after getting his refund check!

Brought to you by Syd Lexia

Married Priests Now?

Taken from CNN.com:

"WEST NEW YORK, New Jersey (AP) -- An excommunicated Roman Catholic archbishop continued to defy the Vatican when he installed two married priests as bishops on Sunday.

In front of a sea of reporters and photographers and several dozen congregants, Raymond A. Grosswirth of Rochester, New York, and Dominic Riccio, of the Newark Archdiocese, were installed by Zambian Archbishop Emmanuel Milingo at the Trinity Reformed Church. The ceremony concluded a two-day convention of Milingo's advocacy group, Married Priests Now!

In a visible break from tradition, the wives of both men helped their husbands on with their vestments before each man was anointed.

Milingo, 76, installed four married men as Roman Catholic bishops in September, including Peter Paul Brennan of New York and Patrick Trujillo of Newark. Milingo was later excommunicated by the Vatican, and Pope Benedict XVI followed that decision by convening a summit that reaffirmed mandatory celibacy for clergy.

Members of Milingo's group believe that reinstating priests who are married would help ease a shortage of priests. According to the Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate at Georgetown University, the number of priests has dropped from 58,600 in 1965 to 41,790 this year.

Milingo has called celibacy "outdated" and was married in 2001 to a Korean acupuncturist chosen for him by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon in a mass wedding performed by Moon's Unification Church.

Milingo's ties to Moon, whose doctrines are considered beyond the bounds of traditional Christianity, have caused consternation in Catholic circles. Moon's American Clergy Leadership Conference paid for much of Milingo's conference this weekend."

Now this guy knows what he's talking about! The number of priests had dropped by almost 17 thousand over the last 42 years. Can anyone tell me the number of cases involving Catholic priests sexually abusing little boys? Roughly 14,000 between 1950 and 2003 cases were reported. And if you've watched the news at all in the last 3 years, you know that number has increased.

Maybe if we let them get their kicks publicly, they'll stop jumping on Timmy and Bobby behind closed doors...

Jesus! It takes just 17 thousand sick priests to ruin it for the rest of us! Why cant they just stick to the good book??





www.thebricktestament.com

Can a fulfilling Life Include Instant Gratification?

It's a question I've asked myself quite a few times recently. See, I grew up in your standard middle-class home, with little-to-no expendable allowance. My mother never scoured the mall's many racks for expensive clothes for her children (thankfully). Even when I did finally get a job to pay for newly acquired auto insurance (which is so fucking expensive WHY??), I never felt it necessary to wear anything other than pajama pants to class every day.

As the months have gone by I've made a move-- and got a good job this time around. I actually have expendable income, even after paying my bills. The one thing I've found is that now I want things. I've started caring about the clothes I wear, and the kind of car I'd like to drive. I want to eat at expensive restaurants, and I pay circa $150 to get my hair colored and cut at one of the top salons in my area. Don't get me wrong, I don't actually have a car, my hair gets a discount of sorts, and the things I have I've paid modest prices for.

I don't know what it is, but I feel guilty for wanting these things sometimes. I mean, really what is life about? I should be living a humble life-- in a box-- wondering about the world and its meaning! I should be chasing my dreams to Europe, take nothing but a notebook and a knife to spill out a novel in my own blood, and then go to some third world country to dedicate my life to helping the less-fortunate. RIGHT? Wanting things is for the mindless consumers in the capitalistic mindfuck called society, right?? I now hang my head, and crawl up into a corner with my writhing ball of designer shoe-loving shame-- and drink some Starbucks.

The conclusion that I've come to is you cant be happy and be living the life of a self-righteous all-giving bastard who is constantly preaching "fuck the man!" Does that mean run out and spend a year's earnings on a PS3? No, because they suck. You should rather spend a fraction of the cost and buy a wii, because Nintendo makes far better products (can we say Dr. Mario??).

At any rate, to celebrate instant gratification, I'm going to construct a top 10 list-- of the things I would buy if I had an endless supply of money to do so. Enjoy, and remember this could be a perfect way to Christmas shop for yours truly ;)

10. Dream Phone $30
This makes the list because I never had this game as a kid. My best friend did, and I *begged* my mother for it. She wouldn't buy it because she didn't like the idea of me owning a dating game. I got in enough trouble beating poor defenseless crushes up on the playground. I did, however, own both Mall Madness and Ask Zandar, so obviously she thought racking up credit card debt and un-Christian paranormal belief systems were okay.

9. Zarafina Tea Maker Suite $150
Why, do you ask, that I want a tea pot and some cups for $150? Because they're fucking beautiful, and yes, I do want my tea brewed to perfection. Also, just to let everyone know, Williams Sonoma and everything it encompasses is wonderful and orgasmic. Personally, if I had an endless supply of money, I'd just have a whole fucking shopping spree here. Makes me warm and fuzzy just thinking about it...

8. Light Blue $80
I generally don't like wearing any sort of perfume, but I stumbled upon this scent by Dolce & Gabbana while shopping for overpriced makeup at Sephora. Aside from the fact that D & G does just about everything right, I hinted to the boy to look into it for Christmas, so perhaps I'll get to knock one off the list somewhere around the 25th...

7. A Day at the Spa $370
Beside the fact that I deserve this kind of treatment, I want the manicure, the pedicure, the facial and the massage. I want that kind of relaxation, dammit! What's a girl gotta do to get pampered?! Too bad Brazilian wax isn't included ;) heh.

6. BCBG Max Arzria Polkadot Dress $248
I love it... I love polkadots. I love black and white. I love strapless. I'd probably look killer in it. Of course, there is a whole slew of dresses I'd like to purchase. Another that I've had my eye on for this Christmas: Velvety Goodness at BR.

5. Prada Shoe $575
I am thee pickiest person when it comes to shoes, which would explain why I only wear sneakers and birkenstocks. Knowing me, you probably had no idea that this teeshirt and jeans kinda gal loves Prada shoes. The fact of the matter is I'm not going to pay money for crappy shoes I don't like, and the only heels worth killing my feet over are designer-type-ones. Case closed.

4. 3-Series Sport Wagon $30,000 or so.
Yes, it's the ultimate driving machine. Yes, Noel has beat BMW's into my head for the last year and a half. I'm head over heels. I have an irrational love for hatchbacks, and this one makes me want to drop the lease on my apartment, pick up a new lease at a certain Bavarian Motor Dealership and just live out of my car... talk about living in luxury.

3. Big, Beautiful House in England. $ ???,???,???.00
I've always had a dream of living in Europe. England seems logical, but I wont limit myself... Personally, I want to go and study Shakespeare in the heart of London... that would be nice.

2. The School of Athens $ needed to hire fine art thief... calling Catherine Zeta Jones!
This is by far my favorite painting in all of history. Unfortunately, I don't think the Vatican would appreciate my taking it, and there is not a sum to my knowledge they would allow me to "borrow" it for. Quite unfortunate...

1. Professional Student Extraordinaire $ five million billion to the 6th power
The cost of an education these days is pretty ridiculous. I'm paying 17k a year as it is, but if I were to be a student for the rest of my life, I think I'd incur enough loans to keep my great great great great grandchildren busy. If I had limitless money, I'd go to the top universities in the world and not have to worry about financial aide or payment plan bullshit. I know, you're thinking this isn't frivolous or instant gratification-y enough. Well, if you realized the incredible profit that lay in the higher education world, you'd be singing a different tune.

Well, that's it, folks. I don't know just how interesting it was, but yay for consumerism!

The Standards are Changing in the Eyes of Youth

...or perhaps our supermodels will slowly evolve into big-head mutants with pouty lips-- and have their noses removed as opposed to cosmetically altered? Newsweek has informed me (personally) that there is a toy out there that can distort the body image of a girl even more so than Barbie can, and is outselling her as well (how sad). Now, as a girl who grew up with Barbie, I have to say that she has changed a great deal. Not only is Barbie scantly clad, but she's also a femme-bot and allows the daughters of America to change the channel on any TV within her infrared domain.



Now these freaks of nature are taking the world's preteens by storm with nothing short of some bling, and a "cum hither" stare that could give any 11 year old boy a woody with a bat of a mongoloid eyelash. I just don't get it. Gradeschool and middleschool girls are eating this shit up, and I can't help but notice a slew of them, who dress like the common streetwalker, perusing the shelves of Wet Seal with their mothers-- that ultimately drag that barely-legal boy to court because he "statutorily raped" her precious little whore. Don't get me wrong, I feel that Barbie plays a large role in the decline of self-esteem among young girls just as much as the next social psychologist. But I'm scared to find out what effects the Bratz dolls will have on the youth of America.

Personally, I don't find them attractive. They've got huge feet and wear tacky clothes. It saddens me that they are outselling Barbie at Christmas time, more so because I've never seen a Bratz doll showcasing a beautiful holiday dress. This year's model is wearing a beautiful gown designed by Bob Mackie-- who has clothed well-dressed celebrities such as Cher, Elton John, and RuPaul. Coined the "sultan of sequins," this is only appropriate for a Barbie wardrobe designer. My only thought on the dress is its accessories... what's up with the hat?




Is it a Catholic conspiracy that only the DaVinci code can unlock?? And even further, why does Barbie's dress this year promote animal cruelty? That fur trim just screams "clubbed baby seals," but a bit fluffier. Bobby's got some 'splaining to do...

Existential Dieting 101

I thought about starting this post with an introduction to me. But then I realized how utterly boring my life is and what the hell, why am I writing this blog anyway? Boredom would be the obvious answer here, but I'd like to think rather that this is some grand service I'm offering the world. No, really I just seem to have too much time on my hands.

Moving on.

With this great start to the initial post, I guess I should address the one question that everyone is asking (because, of course, everyone is reading this and silently musing to themselves about a not-so-cleverly constructed blog title): What exactly is the Existential Diet?

This is the part where I laugh maniacally and rub the goatee that I thankfully do not have. Really, what is a diet? Aside from limitation, which I view to be a generally negative concept, I like to think of it as a positive reinforcement. As stated in my oh-so-general description, there is little clarity to woman's place in this world, and it's my personal statement that we shouldn't have a defined role. Soooooo we're taking a break, per se, from the predetermined role that has been given to us, as well as the self-righteous feminists' whoreish attempts at destroying our idea of femininity. That being said, I have no problems with empowering women. But at the same time, who's to tell me I cant strut my stuff and feel a certain satisfaction when a man tells me I have nice legs? So let's just take "diet" as a break from the boundaries of society, and the reinforcement of the individual self.

Am I getting too philosophical for your sorry ass?

So we've covered the diet part. Now on to existentialism. For those of you who don't know what that is, I'm curious as to how you found this blog. You're probably boring. At any rate, the basic idea is an individual finding a meaning, or place in the world. It's different for everyone, and in today's ultra-consumer existence, it's a bit scarce. Ideals consist of living in the here an now... which ventures beyond keg parties and doing too many drugs to "live in the moment." I'm talking following dreams, or doing something so you know that when you die-- which could be at any moment-- you wouldn't regret the life you're living. It's the whole, "what am I doing with my life?" and the, "am I really happy?" bullshit that you read about in books or watch on lifetime. Which I never do, by the way.

What I'm trying to say is hey, you like to buy things. I like to buy things. Hell, there's a pair of Prada shoes I saw once in a store window that I would have chewed an arm off if it meant I could wear them home. But did I stop to think of why I wanted those shoes or if they really would have made me happy? No. But I'm thinking about it now, dammit, and that counts for something. I like to shop just as much as the next gal, but at the same time I assess my goals and where I want to be in life. I break away from my general needs and wants every once in a while to say, "hey, how can I make a difference. What is it that I could be doing to improve my self?"

So pretty much this blog is about criticizing the world (who doesn't like to read about that??) and making meaning from our place in it. At least I'm gonna try. Wanna come along for the ride?